Fire

I never really gave the new year much more thought than a ‘Hey our planet just made one more turn around a giant ball of literal molten gas and explosions, that’s neat!‘, only this time it’s different. I’ve been waiting for that momentary boyish fascination to hit and go on its merry way for a couple days now and all I actually have been able to find instead is angst. Of what exactly I don’t really know.

What I do know is that I need to make something. It doesn’t matter if it’s a likable something, or if any other person will even get to set eyes on it. I just know that I want to leave something on this world that I can say is a child of my own hands, eyes, and thoughts.

Thing is, I know I’m creative, I can definitely create things. I always have. 

I get asked about my hobbies a lot and my answers are always the same. I like to write and I like building things with wood. I think I repeated that answer so many times I actually started to believe it myself. Maybe what’s giving me angst is that I know I can do all of that, I have a track record of actually being good at them. I also have all the tools I need for either hobby. I’ve done a lot of good projects that I was proud of at the time, and I don’t know why or when it happened, but somewhere along the way I simply stopped.

All I know is at some point in my almost three-and-a-half decades of living I surrendered to being consumed by an almost three-and-a-half decades of life. I’ve built a wonderful family, and my career couldn’t be going better. I’ve lived, traveled, and worked in some of the most remote places in the world, as well as in some of the most crowded and some of the most advanced, also the most peaceful at times. I guess I am content, but this can’t be all there is. I need more. I need to make more things that are only for me and for my own boyish fascination.

Perhaps typing these words here in this format is my innate self telling me I should get off my lazy ass and actually do something about it instead of whining, maybe I just need to let this out so I can muster up the will to post this as a blog instead.

2 thoughts on “How I’m handling not being able to create things anymore”
  1. […] A novelist, a designer, a developer, a business owner, a woodworker, a father, and now I guess, a blogger. Just a small list of the different thoughts that have popped into my head for things I felt like I need to pursue. Do all these things excite me? Sure. Do I believe I will be any good at all of them? Absolutely not. But do I think I can (or should) try them all? Maybe, but I realistically know that it is probably a bad idea, or at least that it would be a long path of wasted time and increased frustrations that will almost inevitably lead to another spell of creative block. […]

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